i’m not the most popular healthblr/fitblr out there because i have yet to reach my goal weight. but my journey has been a hard one. i’ve struggled with my weight my entire life. thankfully, in late 2011 i found out it was because i had a chronic illness that caused weight gain, along with many other horrible symptoms that i thought i had simply because i was fat and lazy, because that’s what everyone used to tell me. i have worked my ass off to get to where i’ve been. i’ve lost, i’ve gained some back, and i’ve lost some more. i’ve been struggling as of late because health problems have resurfaced but i’m getting them under control and i am determined that next year i will have an “after” picture instead of just “during pictures.” in the past year and a half, i have come so far. i’m healthier, fitter, and happier than i have ever been.
when i look back at those pictures, it’s bittersweet. i wasn’t unhappy. i was happy, i had friends and i loved my life. but i was never happy with my appearance and it tore me apart inside. underneath those smiles, i was dying on the inside and hoping beyond hope that i could be thin like everyone else. and that’s the reason it didn’t come. health problems aside, i could never lose weight because i just wanted to be THIN. i didn’t want to be healthy, i didn’t want to learn to love my body, i didn’t care about the process - i just wanted some magical solution to come along.
now, i know so much better. it’s ALL about the process. it’s about paying attention to what i’m putting into my body. it’s about pushing my body and marvelling at the amazing things i never thought i could do. it’s about loving myself - ALL of me, every stretch mark, every freckle, every curve, every vein, and yes, every roll that i still have. but i love it because despite everything i’ve put my body through, it’s still here with me and it puts up with me every second of the day. this is a lifelong journey and i can’t wait to see where else it takes me. and i can’t wait until the day where i can say i finally reached my goal.